Sold To The Alphas I Hate novel Chapter 411

Chapter 411: Jason’s Messages For Eira-II

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Eira’s POV

But while he expressed his emotions, it was more like he was sharing his own pain with me, the person who caused him that pain.

As the messages moved ahead, slowly that pain was replaced by the updates of what he was doing and how his days were passing by. He would send a message every night, summarizing his entire day in it.

Something that hurt me was when he said in his message,

"Eira, Jennifer wanted me to be a doctor, and I did become one. But I want to give up, now that she is no more. Because studying medicine reminds me of you, Eira. Whenever I am in the hospital, I remember how you wanted to be a doctor as well, and how we became so close with the same interest, and how I taught you whenever you had doubts. I can’t bear the memories I have with you, so I have decided to leave it."

Tears rolled down my eyes as I mumbled, "Idiot, Jason. Before I met you, I didn’t know what I even wanted in my life. I decided to be a doctor because of you. Your passion became mine. I was so much in love with you that I wanted to go anywhere I could find you. Coming to the hospital and learning things from you was just an excuse to see you. I wanted to be just as smart and capable as you so I could stand next to you. I was a fool and blinded in love, that I was ready to do anything just to be with you. So much is there, but you still don’t know, you idiot."

Light sobs left my throat. So many things I haven’t told him yet, and now I want to, but he was not here. Once he returns, I will tell him.

More than an hour passed by until I reached the messages that started from when they found me again and brought me home.

He wrote a message that same night.

"Today, we found you, and it was like a miracle that I could never expect in my life. But I couldn’t be happy. Instead, I thought, why did you return when we were finally over the harm you caused? When Lucian strangled you to death, I didn’t stop him, or couldn’t stop him, as it was what Lucian wanted. And I was ready to lose you once more, maybe that was the right thing.

"But when Lucian stopped, I just couldn’t see you die and kicked your chest. I didn’t mean to kill you, but to make you breathe. It was necessary, as your body had gone into shock and you would have been dead any moment. I kept the kick measured, but it was going to hurt you badly. But breaking a few ribs just to save you wasn’t a bad deal, as it would heal, and at least you wouldn’t be dead.

"When they brought you home, I forced myself to not be selfish due to our part and I convinced my mind that I must hate you for what you did. Lucian clearly showed his anger and hatred for losing his family, that made me angry at myself, Because I didn’t show any anger towards you like him. It made me feel guilty, thinking it was because I wasn’t Jennifer’s blood. I felt ungrateful towards Jennifer. It hurt me more. So I forced myself to show my hate towards you.

"I hurt you with words, I hurt you with my actions. But deep down, I know I don’t want to hurt you. How useless I am in front of my heart and love for you. I don’t want to be that way. I want to hate you just like Lucian did, I want to show him that he and I are the same as brothers.

"I know you will never forgive me for how I hurt you in the stable tonight, but then that’s good. You will hate me, and it will be easier for me to hate you. You are a pure blood, you will be fine, that’s what I can tell myself to rid my guilt towards you"

I wiped my tears away. Through his messages, it was as if I could see his soul. His next messages involved every little detail of our daily life in this house and what he thought about it.

While, on the surface, he was always quiet around, the most silent person in this home, only if I knew that behind that silence, his mind was busy thinking so much and paying attention to every detail about me.

"Today, I am so relieved to find you are innocent, Eira. As much as I am happy for you, I hate myself even more now. My heart always denied that you are a bad person, but I never listened to my heart over my mind. All I know is, I have truly failed you and I don’t deserve to be with you.

"But I am happy how my brothers are softening towards you. Especially Lucian. I can see he loves you, and so does everyone else. They are good at heart, and now they know your truth, they will protect you and love you. With them, your life would be filled with happiness, and I truly wish for it. Maybe one day I won’t be with you, but I will be at peace that you are well protected."

"When I saw Raven today for the first time, I felt like I was looking at my own son. I know he wasn’t mine, but looking at him, I felt like my dream of having kids with you had been fulfilled. As long as I am around, I will treat him as my own. I don’t care who his father is. He is your son, and that’s the only reason I need to accept him as mine."

Bastard, he could tell me in person. But why did he have to write, knowing I wouldn’t receive it?

"Eira, I am so happy that today we got to clear things between us. And even for brief moments, I got to feel once more that you are mine, that we are still together. I have you, I have two lovely kids, just what I had always wanted as our family. At the moment, I feel like all my wishes have come true, and I don’t need anything more."

I frowned. ’Damn it, why is he talking like it’s his last message to me?’

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